WARNING: Stef is experiencing his monthly loneliness spell.

Yeah, I figured I was experiencing gay male mid-life crisis (occurs b/t ages 25 and 35), but I'm not. At the beginning of every month, it's like I force myself to realize I don't have a companion. I have no clue to why anyone would do that to himself. That's just fucked up.

Newsflash! I haven't had a boyfriend in almost two years (exactly in November), which also means I haven't experienced any of the... delightful/sexual benefits that are included in the package in almost two years. Damn, I am strong! I don't know any other guy (especially a gay one) who could hold out for more than a couple of weeks, let alone two years.

And it's not like I can't go and find someone to have sex with. Anyone can do that. I'm looking for something in particular; someone with that certain something that will make my head light and my stomach tight. I guess I am looking for true love. Huh. I thought I gave that up after my last boyfriend gave me some unmentionable, yet curable, STD.

He (the ex) said he loved me, constantly. He was actually worried that I would cheat on him although he was the one who cheated on me AND gave me an infectious surprise that he didn't even have the balls to fess up to. That's been extemely hard to get over. It's even more difficult NOT to think that someone else may do the exact same thing.

I tend to give others the benefit of the doubt, even if they don't deserve it. I can only hope and pray it doesn't come back and bite me in ass... again.